Keimah

Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.

    ~Walt Whitman

Mi pakhat ve mai ka ni a, mahse mi tam tak ka pai ni hian ka hre ṭhin! 

He mi pakhat chhûngah hian mi chi hrang hrang an inphûm a, a tuamtu kawr hian eng ang pianphung nge a neih tih ngaihtuah map lovin chung mi chi hrang hrang te chu an rawn inlan chhâwk sek mai ṭhin.

 A châng chuan he mihring hi nun tlawm leh fel, tling leh tlak hmel tak mai hian a lang ṭhin a; tlawmngaihnaa khat mihring lo chhuakin, a hmaa tih tur awm chu phun buai hauh lovin a ti zung zung a, tirh a dawlin kawm a nuam em em a, ringtu ni âwm rêng nungchang puin, pulpit tlang zût ve fo tawh ang maia dam diaia ṭawng châng a nei ve fo. 

Mahse he mi pakhat chhûng aṭang tho hian mi thinchhia leh phunchhiar, sawi leh sel tur dapa mit lên reng peih a awm a; mahni hma zawn chauh thlira nun duhâm neitu a awm bawk. Taima taka hna thawh duh mi a nih rualin, thatchhiat leh zawmthâwt bansan tum chuang dêr lo mi a ni a; a chângin lêrh leh lepchiah nih a kawp a, mawl leh fin phakar a fâwm bawk ṭhin. 

Hnial hrat leh dawt thu vei vir thiam mihring an rawn inlan châng a awm bawk a; chu mai a la ni lo, finna aia kuttum lek ngun zawk mihring chu chawh thawha a awm phei chuan thinrimnain a bual ât mihringin a rawn zui ve nghal zat  a, chung mite thawk kawp chuan hemi hi mihring ni tawh lovin, mihring ni phak hlek lo ramsa mawl leh hlauhawmah a chhuah tawh mai ṭhin. 

A châng chuan sawi leh sel, fak leh khak, buan leh bawl ka tawn châng hian ka nui mai a, ka nui hmel chu ka chhân letna ṭha ber a ni fo; chil per leh thlantui sên a ngaih si loh avangin a remchâng ka ti riau a; ka nui mai a, tu'n ka rilru lah hre si hek lo.

 Chutihrual erawh chuan thil dik leh ṭha nia ka hriat veah chuan âtsoin, Kohhran upa te leh mi fing pui pui te an ngawih mai mai-naah pawh kei misual hian felna leh rorelna dik chu luipui anga luantir ka tum ve tlat zel a, pisapuia rorelna fawng lo chelh ṭhintu zawk tena an theih loh chu tih ka tum ve kanglang ṭhin. 

Keimaha dikna duh mi hi a thawh ve vêk vêk hi chuan, tute emaw chibai ṭha chi han bûk a, han biak lûmlâm ve zeuh hnua chanvo ṭha tak han chan ve theih maina tur pawh hi ka chek hian a mil ve ta tlat lo ṭhin a. Thiamna hmanga hlawh chhuah tur chi dinhmun chu tute emaw duhsak vang leh ka biak thiam vanga hlawh chhuah chu ka duh bâu lo va, a thiam ber nia min hriat avang chauhva nei mai turah ka indah ve hmiah mai ṭhin. 

Ṭhenkhat tan chuan hetiang hi a âtthlakin a chapo-thlak ang; ni e, ka chapo chu a ni mai ang chu; mahse chapo dân ṭha chi te a awm a nih ngai chuan ka chapo dân hi a ni ta ve ang! Ṭhen leh rual te'n Chhim Zaipû Chawnthangpa hla ang deuhin, “Sâppui be nem ve la kâm chang rawh” min tih châng hian, keimaha keimah awm hian, “Sâppui biak nema kâmding nih zawng, nawhchi zawrh nen a dang lo ve” tiin chhuan tur ṭha nei si lo hian a lo chhâng pherh êr zel a. Hetiang a nih avang hian, heti mai hian helhmang ka lo ni! 

French Philosopher Albert Camus-a'n, “The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion” a lo tih te kha ka hre chhuak rum rum ṭhin a; mahse ka dam chhung hian ka duh dan ang takin zalênna ka neih ka ring chuang lo va, helhmang ka ni kumkhua zawk ang. 

A chang chuan ka naktuk thlirin ka vawinnî ka hloh a, nakin hun tur thlirin tun hun ka hloh ṭhin. Ka nuna lo lut tura ka beiseite ka thlir laiin ka nuna awmsate ka ngilh zo a, a chang chuan hlimna leh lungngaihna a ruala ka mikhual ṭhin avang hian hlim takin ka lungngai ṭhin. Suangtuahna te'n min nghaisa nasa ber a, hringnun nunrawng atâ hei lo inphenna ka nei si lo. Zalênna ûmin ka tlân fo a, kawng bo tâwk lekin ka zalên si!

Zalênna zawnga zîngthla ka zâr theihna ber chu thuhlaril (literature) khawvelah hian a ni a; he khawvel hi takna hmachhawn ngam tura chakna ka lâkna hmun, engmah ni lo eng emaw ka nih ve theihna hmun leh ka thinlung ang pu mite nena kan hringnun zai hlà mâwi taka ka rem ve theihna, ka khawvel hriat awm chhun leh neih chhun a ni.  

He khawvel danglam leh dangdai taka min hnûk lût fotu chu keimaha mi lungno, nep leh nêu tak hi a fo mai. Keimaha mi sehhel leh ngawhngawl tak mai hi, duhtâwka han inlek pharh châng nei ve ṭhin bawk mah se, keimaha mi lungno tak hi chuan thil ho lam mai mai pawh a ṭahpuiin a kùrpui thei a; Kâphleia te ṭhian dùn dungthulin awmlai leh awmhar a vei kawp ve fo a ni. 

Ka zuau leh zuamawmna lai taka hringnunin a hrohrâm a tihnat châng te hian, tute emaw thlaphêna bîkbo tumin rilru a phi ruai ṭhin a, mangang viau e ti lo chuan, mi puihna ngêna phar kual aiin chapona awmze nei lo vahvaihpui chu ka thlang leh tlat lawi a! Heti chung chung hian, ṭhian ṭha te fuihna leh puihna vang ni suh se, vawiin hi ka thleng zo kher lovang. An ṭhatna rulh lêtna châng hre lo hle mah ila, an hringnun ba buah hian ka hming hnaisailo hi an telh ngai chuang lo. 

Mahni pawh inhriat chian a har teh lul nen, mi hriat thiam theih loh nun nei ve tlat te hian ka inhria a, a nihna chen pawh a awm ang. A chhan chu keimahah hian mihring khawlhkham tak, khawharna ruama au rawng rawng ṭhin, khawharna ruam chhuahsan duh chuang hlek lo mi a awm a.

 Rinna chak vang leh sakhaw mi vang ni miah lovin, he mihring hian lungngaihnaah lunglawmna a hmu tlat a, midangin an hlimpui ṭhin vanram chhuahsanin, hmun thim leh ṭihbaiawma finna lalṭhuthlengah ṭhuin khawharna a tleipui ṭhin a.  Natna na berah mawina mawi ber hmuin, ṭahtir fotu khawvel hi a nuihzathlak a ti tlat a. Mi tam takin a theih chhûng relh bosan an duh thihna chu a tân chawlhna a ni.

He khawvela hun rei lo tê ka hman ve chhùng hian mi fel nih ka duh lo a, mi ṭha erawh nih ka duh. Mi tam zawk chungah ṭhat chhuah ka duh a, mahse kan ṭhatna, theihna, thiamna, kan hun leh tha pek phû bîk erawh an awm tih theihngilh loh ka duh.

Hringnuna thil tê tham leh ho lam tê tê hre thiam thei tawh lo khawpa thiamna sâng neih ka duh lo a, thil ho lam tê tê-ah pawh hringnun mawina leh Siamtu awmzia hmu fiah fo thei khawpa finna ril erawh neih ka duh fo ang. Taksa dam reina ka lungkham lova, mi thinlunga a ṭha zâwnga dam rei erawh ka duhthusam a ni fo zawk ang.

Mite angin ruatlâwk nun leh hma hun a awm ring mah suh ila, he nun danglam leh dangdai, duhawmna leh awhawmna awm chuang si lo hi ka tâ tur ni âwm rênga a mawi a ni a, a nihna dan tak erawh ka sawi fiah thiam lo; nun khawhar tak nei American poet Edgar Allan Poe hian a hla ‘Alone’ tihah khan min lo hrilh fiahsak diam tawhah ka ngai a, he poem hi chu ka duh êm avangin ka sapui hauh ve hlur mai a ni: 

“From childhood’s hour I have not been

As others were—I have not seen

As others saw—I could not bring

My passions from a common spring—

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow—I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone

And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone”

Tu nge ka nih a, eng ang mi nge ka nih tih zawhna chhânna hi ka dam chhûng hian dik takin ka pe thei kher lovang. Amaherawhchu, he chhânna aia ka duh zawng chu, ka pindan thim rik reka tu hriat lova ka ziah heng thu leh hla fahrah tê tê hi, mual ka liam hnu leh chatuana ka pem bosan hnu pawhin he lei hi luah lumin lo nung ve hram hram se la. 

Mi tam tak fak leh chawimawi atan pawh ka ti lem lo; tuemaw mi khawhar leh chau takin chawlhna tuikam atan hmang se la; hmânah khan tuemaw amah ang taka lungngaihna phur mi, khawharna tleipui leh ṭahpui fotu a lo awm tawh a ni tih hriain, tak ram hmachhawn leh ngam tura chakna a lakna ni se ka ti a ni. 

Mahse heng hi zawng, kutchhuak ṭha pawh nei mang lo chunga duhthusam mai a ni a, tak ram a chang ngei ang em tih pawh hriat va nih suh. Keimaha awm mi chi hrang hrang hian thuhlaril mi pêk an bansanin ring lo mah ila, John Keats-a thlân lung thuziak tidiktu ka lo nih pawhin, thi hnu vuia ngui tur hian tu nge ka nih chuan le? 

“Here lies one whose name was writ in water”